Getting Ordained – Pt. 2

Let’s face it. The concept of online ordination is completely ridiculous. Growing up in the church and attending a Christian school from K-12 and parts of college, I learned that the traditional path to ordination includes seminary or divinity school.

When my cousin asked me to marry her and her fiancé, I knew that online ordination was the only path for me to take. I spent countless hours researching ordination organizations and finally found one that not only aligned with my Christian beliefs but also was recognized by the state of California. I simply signed a belief statement, paid a “donation fee” and that was it. A couple days later, I received my Ordination Certificate, a Certificate of Good Standing, marriage/baptism certificates, a clergy parking pass (which I am most excited about), and some materials regarding marriage laws and how to information for weddings, baptisms, and funerals.

I have all the tools I need to perform the wedding next month. My nerves are definitely building up as the days and weeks breeze by. The groom is from Germany so the venue will be filled with people not accustomed to American weddings. I hope this is a good thing. Perhaps they won’t know if/when I screw up. The Americans, however, will likely know that I am not a ”seasoned” officiant. Oh well. I’m going to do my best and conduct myself with as much confidence, grace, and joy as I can. I pray the focus, as it should be, is completely bride and groom and the guests drown me out.

I hope to meet with them in a couple weeks to learn about what they want me to say and how they want the flow and tone of the ceremony to be presented.

Last year, I was the best man in two weddings. Now, I’m the officiant of one! Lord, help me!



I Sit Down to Pee

And I’m completely fine with it.

Being a dad of two small girls, in an apartment with one bathroom, I have discovered that it is more convenient and comfortable to pee sitting down for a couple of reasons.

First, since we have one bathroom. It cannot be locked in case the 3-year old needs to go “potty.” She has a tendency to barge in when she has to go, which startles me mid-stream, causing me to momentarily miss my target and block myself from her waist-level line of vision. Sitting down avoids messes and toddler inquisition.

Additionally, our 1-year old sleeps somewhat lightly. A firm pee steam from the standing position is just too loud for our humble abode. Sitting down greatly reduces the piss acoustics. My pees will never wake up the baby again, which the wife greatly appreciates.

Lastly, sitting down to pee is just straight up relaxing. When I’m at work, or other public settings away from my house, I do the traditional stand-thing to relieve myself unless I’ve got one, or both, of the little ones with me. At first, I was a little annoyed with the idea of sitting down to piss, but now, I’ve embraced it and it seems to be boding well with the family – that’s what matters to me.

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